Woke Marketing 101
2 min readDec 10, 2020
The article describes how to signal total virtuosity through your marketing choices. We’ll cite some of the best examples from über woke companies like Apple, Google, Salesforce and others.
The first principal to follow, maybe the only one, is to eliminate white, straight, men from any marketing materials. Here is an example from the South by Southwest (SXSW) homepage December 2020.
Key takeaway points.
- There are no straight white men in the photo (too easy). However, notice the guy in the blue hat and beard in the background. He’s a bit blurry but I’m pretty sure that’s a white guy. Very sloppy. Whoever let this slip through should be fired immediately.
- Black people, yes! It’s 2020 and thanks to Black Lives Matter (BLM), black people are pretty much the only minority that matters. Of note, this is particularly important during election years because, you know, Racism. No need to include Hispanics, Asians or Pacific Islanders.
- Rainbows are critical. At least one rainbow is a must because gay people are victims of so much discrimination in hi-tech, media and the arts 🤣. This is also key in case you let one white man slip into your marketing materials by accident. Just say he is gay or transitioning or something. It’s like a Get Out Of Jail Free card.
- White women über alles. Notice that white women are the majority in this photo and every other photo you’ll ever see at woke companies. Remember, diversity and inclusion are nice, but white women are sugar and spice. White women in 2020 are basically like White men in 1920, only better. There are tens of thousands of programs and financial incentives available exclusively for them but they still get to be victims. Black and brown women are theoretically eligible, and let’s keep it that way 😉. So get on board, Ally, or we’ll #metoo your ass into the last century.
The most important objective of Work Marketing is to help guilt-ridden white guys to stay in power, in this case Roland Swenson, Managing Director of SXSW. If it wasn’t for #WokeMarketing, organizations might need to replace CEOs with some member of the Victimization class. This way, they can be king forever.
